Computer jokes?

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Computer jokes?

Post by godofcereal on Tue Mar 03, 2009 11:50 am
([msg=19154]see Computer jokes?[/msg])

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Anyone got any good computer or hacking jokes? Even stupid ones.
Im off, last year of school and all, I had something longer but char limit fucked that up. So yeah, had a good run here. Thanks for the memories. Thanks to the staff and users.

Best regards, your posting whore,
godofcereal

p.s. Defience, you the man ;)
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Re: Computer jokes?

Post by godofcereal on Tue Mar 03, 2009 12:36 pm
([msg=19160]see Re: Computer jokes?[/msg])

Go on tell us some.
Im off, last year of school and all, I had something longer but char limit fucked that up. So yeah, had a good run here. Thanks for the memories. Thanks to the staff and users.

Best regards, your posting whore,
godofcereal

p.s. Defience, you the man ;)
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Re: Computer jokes?

Post by TheKludge on Thu Mar 19, 2009 4:14 pm
([msg=20222]see Re: Computer jokes?[/msg])

Got a programming Joke:

A programmer comes into his office one day and finds a frog sitting on the keyboard.

"Mr Programmer! Help me! I'm a princess from a distant land, cruelly trapped in the body of a frog! Kiss me and I'll turn into a human, and I'll marry you and we can live happily ever after!" she croaks.

The programmer giggles, picks up the frog and puts it in his desk drawer. He does his work and goes home.

Next day, he opens the drawer to find the frog there. "Mr Programmer! Please! Kiss me and I'll turn into a princess, and I'll marry you and we can live happily ever after!"

The programmer giggles and closes the desk drawer again. He does his work and goes home.

Next day he opens the desk up again and the frog is looking disgruntled. "Come on, Mr Programmer! Please! Kiss me and I'll turn into a princess, and I'll marry you and we can live happily ever after!"

The programmer giggles and just before he closes the drawer again, the frog says "What? What is this? Why won't you do it?"

The programmer picks up the frog and looks at her. "I don't have time for a wife," he says, "but a talking frog is cool!"
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Re: Computer jokes?

Post by killath303 on Wed Mar 25, 2009 7:29 am
([msg=20508]see Re: Computer jokes?[/msg])

TheKludge wrote:The programmer picks up the frog and looks at her. "I don't have time for a wife," he says, "but a talking frog is cool!"


I lol'd. *sigh*
www.computer-jokes.co.uk wrote:Bill Gates

Proof that Bill Gates is the Devil The real name of "the" Bill Gates is William Henry Gates III. Nowadays he is known as Bill Gates (III), where "III" means the order of third (3rd.) By converting the letters of his current name to the ASCII-values and adding his (III), you get the following: B 66 I 73 L 76 L 76 G 71 A 65 T 84 E 69 S 83 + 3 -------------- 666 !! Some might ask, "How did Bill Gates get so powerful?" Coincidence? Or just the beginning of mankind's ultimate and total enslavement??? Before you decide, consider the following: M S - D O S 6 . 2 1 77+83+45+68+79+83+32+54+46+50+49 = 666 W I N D O W S 9 5 87+73+78+68+79+87+83+57+53+1 = 666 Coincidence? You decide...
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Re: Computer jokes?

Post by eoae on Thu Oct 01, 2009 12:51 am
([msg=30295]see Re: Computer jokes?[/msg])

Sorry to bump an old thread. Just wanted to share a joke I came across a month ago.

This is a transcript of the worlds dummest hacker on an IRC channel. The original can be found here: http://www.jellyslab.com/~bteo/hacker.htm
The comments are not mine, they belong to the original poster of the dialogue.

##START##

* bitchchecker (~java@euirc-a97f9137.dip.t-dialin.net) Quit (Ping timeout#)
* bitchchecker (~java@euirc-61a2169c.dip.t-dialin.net) has joined #stopHipHop
[bitchchecker] why do you kick me
[bitchchecker] can’t you discus normally
[bitchchecker] answer!
[Elch] we didn’t kick you
[Elch] you had a ping timeout: * bitchchecker (~java@euirc-a97f9137.dip.t-dialin.net) Quit (Ping timeout#)
[bitchchecker] what ping man
[bitchchecker] the timing of my pc is right
[bitchchecker] i even have dst
[bitchchecker] you banned me
[bitchchecker] amit it you son of a bitch
[HopperHunter|afk] LOL
[HopperHunter|afk] shit you’re stupid, DST^^
[bitchchecker] shut your mouth WE HAVE DST!
[bitchchecker] for two weaks already
[bitchchecker] when you start your pc there is a message from windows that DST is applied.
[Elch] You’re a real computer expert
[bitchchecker] shut up i hack you
[Elch] ok, i’m quiet, hope you don’t show us how good a hacker you are ^^
[bitchchecker] tell me your network number man then you’re dead
[Elch] Eh, it’s 129.0.0.1
[Elch] or maybe 127.0.0.1
[Elch] yes exactly that’s it: 127.0.0.1 I’m waiting for you great attack
[bitchchecker] in five minutes your hard drive is deleted
[Elch] Now I’m frightened
[bitchchecker] shut up you’ll be gone
[bitchchecker] i have a program where i enter your ip and you’re dead
[bitchchecker] say goodbye
[Elch] to whom?
[bitchchecker] to you man
[bitchchecker] buy buy
[Elch] I’m shivering thinking about such great Hack0rs like you
* bitchchecker (~java@euirc-61a2169c.dip.t-dialin.net) Quit (Ping timeout#)


What happened is clear: That guy entered his own IP-Adress in his mighty Hack-Tool and crashed his own PC. This way, the attack on my PC was a failure. I was already starting to think that I did not have to worry, but a good hacker never calls it a day. Two minutes later he returned.

* bitchchecker (~java@euirc-b5cd558e.dip.t-dialin.net) has joined #stopHipHop
[bitchchecker] dude be happy my pc crashed otherwise you’d be gone
[Metanot] lol
[Elch] bitchchecker: Then try hacking me again… I still have the same IP: 127.0.0.1
[bitchchecker] you’re so stupid man
[bitchchecker] say buy buy
[Metanot] ah, [Please control your cussing] off
[bitchchecker] buy buy elch
* bitchchecker (~java@euirc-b5cd558e.dip.t-dialin.net) Quit (Ping timeout#)


There was a tension in the room… Would he manage, after these two failures, to crash my PC? I waited. Nothing happened. I felt relieve… Six minutes passed by until he prepared the next wave of attack. Being a Hacker, who usually cracks whole data centers, he knew what his problem was now.

* bitchchecker (~java@euirc-9ff3c180.dip.t-dialin.net) has joined #stopHipHop
[bitchchecker] elch you son of a bitch
[Metanot] bitchchecker how old are you?
[Elch] What’s up bitchchecker?
[bitchchecker] you have a frie wal
[bitchchecker] fire wall
[Elch] maybe, i don’t know
[bitchchecker] i’m 26
[Metanot] such behaviour with 26?
[Elch] how did you find out that I have a firewall?
[Metanot] tststs this is not very nice missy
[bitchchecker] because your gay fire wall directed my turn off signal back to me
[bitchchecker] be a man turn that shit off
[Elch] cool, didn’t know this was possible.
[bitchchecker] thn my virus destroys your pc man
[Metanot] are you hacking yourselves?
[Elch] yes bitchchecker is trying to hack me
[Metanot] he bitchchecker if you’re a hacker you have to get around a firewall even i can do that
[bitchchecker] yes man i hack the elch but the sucker has a fire wall the
[Metanot] what firewall do you have?
[bitchchecker] like a girl
[Metanot] firewall is normal a normal hacker has to be able to get past it…you girl^^
[He] Bitch give yourself a jackson and chill you’re letting them provoce you and give those little girls new material all the time
[bitchchecker] turn the firewall off then i send you a virus [Please control your cussing]er
[Elch] Noo
[Metanot] he bitchchecker why turn it off, you should turn it off
[bitchchecker] you’re afraid
[bitchchecker] i don’t wanna hack like this if he hides like a girl behind a fire wall
[bitchchecker] elch turn off your shit wall!
[Metanot] i wanted to say something about this, do you know the definition of hacking??? if he turns of the firewall that’s an invitation and that has nothing to do with hacking
[bitchchecker] shut up
[Metanot] lol
[bitchchecker] my grandma surfs with fire wall
[bitchchecker] and you suckers think you’re cool and don’t dare going into the internet without a fire wall


He calls me girly and says only his grandma would use a firewall. I know that elder people are much more intelligent then younger, but I couldn’t let that rest. To see whether he really is a good hacker I lie and let everything as it is. I don’t have a firewall at all, only my router.

[Elch] bitchchecker, a collegue showed me how to turn the firewall off. Now you can try again
[Metanot] bitchhacker can’t hack
[Black] nice play on words ^^
[bitchchecker] wort man
[Elch] bitchchecker: I’m still waiting for your attack!
[Metanot] how many times again he is no hacker
[bitchchecker] man do you want a virus
[bitchchecker] tell me your ip and it deletes your hard drive
[Metanot] lol ne give it up i’m a hacker myself and i know how hackers behave and i can tell you 100.00% you’re no hacker..^^
[Elch] 127.0.0.1
[Elch] it’s easy
[bitchchecker] lolololol you so stupid man you’ll be gone
[bitchchecker] and are the first files being deleted
[Elch] mom…
[Elch] i’ll take a look


In panic I started the Windows Explorer, my heart beating faster. Had I under-estimated him?

[bitchchecker] don’t need to rescue you can’t son of a bitch
[Elch] that’s bad
[bitchchecker] elch you idiout your hard drive g: is deleted
[Elch] yes, there’s nothing i can do about it
[bitchchecker] and in 20 seconds f: is gone


Yes, true, G: and F: were gone. Did I ever have them? Doesn’t matter, I did not have time to think, I was scared. bitchchecker was comforting me with a music tip.

[bitchchecker] tupac rules
[bitchchecker] elch you son of a bitch your f: is gone and e: too


Drive E:? Oh my god… All the games are there! And the vacation pictures! I instantly take a look. Everything still there. But the hacker said it was deleted….
Or isn’t it happening on my computer?

[bitchchecker] and d: is at 45% you idiot lolololol
[He] why doesn’t meta say anything
[Elch] he’s probably rolling on the floor laughing
[Black] ^^
[bitchchecker] your d: is gone
[He] go on BITCH


The guy is good: My CD-drive is allegedly deleted! Bitchchecker turned my ancient disk sucker into a burner! But how did he do this? I’ll have to ask him. Some encourage him. He himself is giving advice how to avoid the disaster on my hard drives.

[bitchchecker] elch man you’re so stupid never give your ip on the internet
[bitchchecker] i’m already at c: 30 percent


Should I tell him he’s not attacking my computer?

* bitchchecker (~java@euirc-9ff3c180.dip.t-dialin.net) Quit (Ping timeout#)


Too late… It’s 20:22 when we get the last message of our hacker with the alias “bitchchecker”. We see that he has a “Ping timeout”. We haven’t seen him since then… must be the Daylight Saving Time.

##END##

Taken from http://tech.mikelopez.info/2006/09/14/worlds-dumbest-hacker/
"The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax." - Albert Einstein
"Government is an association of men who do violence to the rest of us." - Leo Tolstoy
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Re: Computer jokes?

Post by godofcereal on Thu Oct 01, 2009 1:51 am
([msg=30298]see Re: Computer jokes?[/msg])

Rofl! What a dumbass! Thats what I love to read when I wake up!
Im off, last year of school and all, I had something longer but char limit fucked that up. So yeah, had a good run here. Thanks for the memories. Thanks to the staff and users.

Best regards, your posting whore,
godofcereal

p.s. Defience, you the man ;)
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Re: Computer jokes?

Post by Spe-edS on Thu Oct 01, 2009 2:46 am
([msg=30300]see Re: Computer jokes?[/msg])

freaking hilarious!
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Re: Computer jokes?

Post by cilpolir on Thu Oct 01, 2009 5:04 am
([msg=30304]see Re: Computer jokes?[/msg])

wow this makes my day XD
I'm sick at home right now and I feel a little better when i read this kinda dumbass shit, kinda make me feel smart :P
the comments are hilarious 2

saw 1 joke lately at my science classroom
There are 10 kinds of people:
those who understand binary
and those who dont
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Re: Computer jokes?

Post by Dr_Phil on Thu Oct 01, 2009 10:05 am
([msg=30310]see Re: Computer jokes?[/msg])

What happens if you mix Bill Gates and Dracula?
Answer: You get a BAT-file. :D

Well, I got no real jokes. I liked bitchchecker though, he seemed to be a such an intelligent person. ;)
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Re: Computer jokes?

Post by Defience on Thu Oct 01, 2009 9:20 pm
([msg=30327]see Re: Computer jokes?[/msg])

That 'bitchchecker' one is classical :D
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