Check if computer outside network is on

[Jood]

OH MY FUCKING GOD. FIRST YOU BUNCH OF SAD FUCKS POSE UNABLE TO READ THE QUESTION, AND NOW TO READ MY FURTHER POSTS??????

HERE YOU CAN SEE: "You could also check activity of someone on msn/facebook/whatever."

DO YOU GET IT NOW?

In my question, did I mention the word "IP"? I FUCKING DIDNT. OH MY FUCKING GOD. LEARN TO READ YOU BUNCH OF FUCKING RETARDS. All I said with "IP" was "I've got the IP of this computer but pinging and checking open ports didn't work."

I DIDNT MENTION THE ENTIRE WORD ANY OTHER TIME.

OMFGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

[insomaniacal]

Take a deep breath and calm down.

Checking activity of MSN/Facebook/etc doesn't prove whether a certain computer is on or not, it simply means someone signed into a service, from any one of the millions of Internet enabled devices in our world.

There is no surefire way to tell if a certain machine is on outside of your network without actually physically seeing it.

Now, calm down.

[alltheprettyhorses]

Right, since you seem very dedicated to finding the answer I have decied to type out in numerical form the steps required to find out if a computer outside your network is turned on.

1. Look up the person who owns the computer on facebook
2. Add them as a friend
3. Everytime they are on chat, your suspicions should be raised
4. Buy a car on e-bay (make sure it is from Taiwan or China, that way you can be sure it works [direct from factory obv])
5. Spend a YEAR (no less) on your computer monitoring their logging in to facebook chat
6. Work out their daily routine using status updates/twitter etc
7. Buy a map
8. Drive to 'nobodygivesafuckistan'
9. Hope someone there gives a fuck about your question.
10. ????????
11. Undoubtedly Profit...

See above for flame you should have received originally upon the asking of this question.

I've had a bottle of wine and am feeling deliciously sarky.

[Jood]

Take a deep breath and calm down.

Checking activity of MSN/Facebook/etc doesn't prove whether a certain computer is on or not, it simply means someone signed into a service, from any one of the millions of Internet enabled devices in our world.

There is no surefire way to tell if a certain machine is on outside of your network without actually physically seeing it.

Now, calm down.

True, but in my case this 9 out of 10 times means that certain computer is on.

Also, it doesn't mean a lot to me from what computer certain person is signing in, just that they sign in. The certain computer is just my best bet for them to sign in from.

To the guy above me, I'm not entirely positive what you're saying, but one sign in is enough.

[fashizzlepop]

Holy hell... why do we let these guys off so easy?

This guy is a arrogant prick. Why on earth would we even attempt to help him anymore?

If I were a mod I would warn him and lock this piece of shit (no to mention move this to LOL).

[msbachman]

As a connoisseur of trollery of various kinds, I took note of the OP's rage when it became apparent.

I have to say, the methods used by the trolls in this thread were of advanced technology, that which had not presented itself in the wild until now.

I will be chronicling such in my upcoming work, Unix-Based Trollery: Advanced Methodologies for Ameliorating Rage with Fixed Inputs, in the section "No: its Role in Internet Pugilism."

[Jood]

roflmao

listen faggots, i wasn't the one that started flaming here. fo tell your moms to get their mouths off my cock.

[Goatboy]

roflmao

listen faggots, i wasn't the one that started flaming here. fo tell your moms to get their mouths off my cock.

Oops, I just accidentally tripped over my banhammer. What a silly mistake.

[sanddbox]

Also, it's worth noting that just because someone is on their facebook account doesn't mean a specific computer is on. Welcome to the Internet.

EDIT: facepalm. Insomaniacal already mentioned that.