If you're thinking about suicide, you're thinking in the wrong direction. It is ugly because you have a family who deep down loves you (they put a diaper on your ass at least and gave you a bottle). People who commit suicide are only thinking of themselves, and not the people who were and are in your life. Suicide is evil, because the action will ultimately spread mental pain.
I know where you are coming from, I to have been in such a negative vertex state of mind. There are a few reasons you may feel the way you do, even multiple be it physical pain, guilt, sorrow, fear, unfortunate, embarrassment , shame, inadequate, weak, etc. Are you insane you ask? Freud said something like "...we're all crazy". Let me tell you something buddy, we are all subject to negative thoughts and shit happens to everyone not just you. People can find themselves in situations they would never dreamed of being in. The situation could possibly occur over 10,000 choices you decided to make over a time of 10 years :S
Assuming the Reader hasn't committed suicide now...
One thing holding you back is this idea you could never be happy again. Let's use the idea of how the brain operates much like a computer to ditch this idea. Think of your current thoughts as a memory cache. Frequently Used Thoughts will be thought about more often, then thoughts that haven't been thought about lately. The very fact you know you're depressed proves there was a mental state in your life, in which you were happy. How do you get that cache in your brain to contain positive thoughts?
What I am about to say, are steps to overcoming and ending this chapter of your life. Perhaps you like the attention you're getting on this thread, but you need to grow some balls and make a come back in life. If you are not spiritual, then you're behind the times,
1. Let Jesus find you. Let him clean up the sorrows of your heart.
2. Give fear, guilt, shame, etc. to Jesus
3. Come face to face with the fear, with Jesus.
4. Listen to Happy music (not blackmetal) even if you don't like the song, lyrics are most important
5. Read the bible and other positive thinking books
6. As soon as you have a negative thought, pray!!
7. Have faith, God is guiding you
8. Let your old life fade, take in the new life
You will become solid as a rock with the above recipe take no mention to what some people such as goats! have to say about it.